“Today You are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~Dr Seuss
Are you confident about yourself, your own skills and abilities? Are you comfortable in your own skin or do you feel uncertain? Do you undermine your own uniqueness? Perhaps you did not approach other people because you did not feel confident?
We have all heard it before that we need to be confident and grab life but how do we get about to finding unlimited confidence in our lives?
Here are a few ideas to develop fabulous self-confidence:
1. Be unquestioningly you!
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”― Howard Thurman
A lot of our problems come up because we are attempting to be someone else. We are attempting to be the ideal person as measured by our own standards. We are trying to be the ideal person that society wants us to be.
Ideals are great but they are impossible to fulfill. The moment you are successful in fulfilling an ideal, there will be bigger shoes to fill. The moment you heave a sigh of relief, there will be another ideal to judge you.
When you are trying to fit all the different molds that other people want you to fit in, you may lose track of who you really are. And it becomes impossible to please everyone all the time.
The better solution is to let go of ideals and develop your own true voice and ideas. Sure, you may not be accepted by all groups but make no mistake, there are others like you in this world. Give yourself the permission to be unquestioningly you.
If you turn the pages of history, all the great people like Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Dr. Seuss, Madame Marie Curie and others had a unique voice and were unquestionably themselves.
Are you cultivation your own unique voice?
Great confidence comes from the authenticity of your own true voice.
Fall in love and approve of your own voice and your uniqueness. Begin believing that your voice and uniqueness are gifts that needs to be shared with the world.
2. You are good enough: approve, love and support yourself
“Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best.”~Andrew Carnegie
“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie
Regardless of what others are saying to you, you are good enough for this world. At your deepest core, you are unlimited radiance and brilliance. Over time, you may have lost or forgotten your own radiance.
Your radiance is just waiting under the surface to be re-discovered. When you love and approve of yourself, you are giving the message that you matter. When you interact with others from this place of unshakable self-love and approval, your confidence just shines through.
The popular quote is: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” I would like to add: “when the tough get going, they also support themselves on the journey.” Do not forget that your art is valuable and you are not going to launch it out to the world unless you feel it is good enough.
3. Purpose, vision and dreams
“I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” ~ John Lennon
What is your big picture? Do you have a purpose, a vision or a set of dreams that you can look forward to? Even though different people may have different ways to accomplish or think about their big picture, not having any big picture may be utterly uninspiring to some.
Many people struggle with a sense of purpose. The self-development literature is so full of “find your purpose in life” kind of messages and you may think something is broken with you if you have not found yours. But the truth is that not everyone has a fixed purpose and it is all right to struggle with what you want to become.
In fact, rigidly boxing yourself in a set of goals and dreams may make you miss other wonderful gems along the journey. It may be better to cultivate a purpose that plays to your strengths and what you really love to do, be and have.
If you allow yourself to become inspired and feel great and enthusiastic about what you love to do and tie that to the bigger picture of dreams and purpose, you feel great confidence. Confidence comes from playing to your strengths and engaging in activities that make you happy and fulfilled.
If you have not found what you are looking for, that is all right. Allow yourself the permission to do, be and feel what makes you inspired and happy in the current moment. Watch what happens to your confidence when you do that.
4. Begin with the “why” in mind
When you are trying to make sense of the “what” and the “how,” things might be a lot more difficult to figure out. According to Simon Sinek, the Author of Start with Why, successful leaders and companies have a very clear “why” and it helps them to connect deeply with people. Sinek proposes the golden circle theory where the innermost circle is your “why.” The next two circles are the “how” and the “what.”
When you repeatedly connect to your “why,” you reconnect to the important things. You get focused and certain of why you are doing something and this creates a lot of confidence that others can sense.
5. Take action
“Imagination means nothing without doing.” ― Charles Chaplin
Taking the first step and getting started is an amazing way to develop instant confidence. Most of our fear and lack of confidence is rooted in assumptions and beliefs that may not be true. By taking the first step, you show yourself that you are willing to make a difference.
It is best to begin where you are at without lamenting what you have not done in the past. Jumping into action gives you a power-up that boosts your confidence.
As you flex the action muscle, you become better at taking action and exude confidence. Great confidence comes from taking charge and taking action.
6. Detach yourself from the outcome
Expect the best but do not make the mistake of expecting a certain outcome.
Do your very best and let it go. Becoming excessively attached to a certain method, way and result is a sure recipe for disappointment.
Over time, these disappointments add up and you will be hesitant to take action and as a result feel less confidence. If you want a quick boost of confidence, do your best and then let it go. This tells the universe that you believe in yourself and have the confidence to allow things to happen without having to control everything.
Ask anyone in a successful relationship and they will be quick to tell you that they have the necessary space to breathe and flourish as an individual. Confident people allow others to flourish and are all right with uncertain outcomes. They allow others to be what they are and are not very attached to a particular outcome.
Confidence comes from being all right with the mysteries and intrigue of life and living with detachment from a particular outcome.
7. Transform fears and failures into friends and teachers
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”― Eleanor Roosevelt
There are no failures, only outcomes. When you embed a lot of meaning into an unfavorable outcome, you become afraid of repeating it. You train yourself to avoid the situation that gives you discomfort.
Fear and failure are great confidence busters. Choose to embrace fear and transform seeming failures into teachers. Instead of running away from fear and failure, run straight into their path with courage and confidence.
You will become greatly confident in your life if you allow failure to instruct you. Confident and happy people are inherently all right with failure and do not take it as a character flaw. They view failure as a result that can be fixed and do not allow it to have negative consequences on their entire self-image.
What about you? What makes you feel confident? What are the confidence challenges that you face?