I Am Not Worthy of Love: Let Go of This Belief

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” — C. JoyBell C.

Read that last turn again, because it is where this belief lives. Not in what other people actually think of you. In what you think of yourself — and in the quiet verdict that follows from it: I am not worthy of love.

It is the second belief in my book Let Go of Limiting Beliefs, and I call it what it is there: an ancient, deep relationship wrecker. It rarely announces itself. It shows up in smaller ways — a compliment brushed aside, affection explained away, a good person whose love suddenly feels hard to trust.

When Love Arrives and You Step Back

Here is how the chapter describes the pattern. This belief is closely related to self-worth and esteem, and it usually shows up in intimate relationships. When the going gets serious, you begin to doubt the other person who wants to love you like you are. You panic, and you withdraw the love from the other person.

Notice the sequence. Nothing has gone wrong. The love got closer — and closeness is what triggered the retreat.

The truth, as I put it in the book, might just be this: you do not feel the self-love that would allow you to give love away or to receive love from others. The well is not empty because nobody is pouring into it. It feels empty because somewhere along the way you stopped believing you were allowed to hold what was poured.

So let the book say it plainly, the way it does on the page:

“You are worthy of your love and the love of others. Read that again.”

Even if you are secure in yourself, affirming your worth to love and to receive love is a great practice. Do not deflect love. Instead, accept it, soak it in, and shine it to others.

In Real Life: The Love That Was Already There

Is this just a comforting idea, or does the pattern actually happen? Relationship researchers Sandra Murray, John Holmes and Dale Griffin studied exactly this question in dating and married couples, in work published in 2000 and summarised in their dependence-regulation research.

They asked both partners how they saw themselves, how they saw their partner, and how they believed their partner saw them. People with low self-esteem assumed their partner saw them in the same relatively negative light in which they saw themselves.

Here is the part that matters: their partners actually saw them as positively as they had hoped. The love and regard were already there. The doubt was not evidence — it was a filter.

And the doubt had a cost the book would recognise. People who believed they were less well regarded by their partner came to value that partner less in return, and kept a cautious distance in the relationship. Doubt the love, step back from the love, and the distance then gets mistaken for proof that the love was never real.

The researchers are describing couples in studies, not your life. But the mechanism is the one this chapter names: when you do not believe you are worthy of love, you do not just fail to receive it. You start pushing away the very people offering it.

Going Deeper: Love Yourself in Small Increments

The chapter pairs a second voice with its opening one — Steve Maraboli, whose line sits at the centre of the page:

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” — Steve Maraboli

If that relationship is where the belief lives, that is also where the repair begins. The book’s action tips are practical, not grand. Uncover the belief first — name the ancient relationship wrecker for what it is. Then begin loving yourself in small and digestible increments. Often we jump in trying to make huge changes, and fail. Start with small changes and small actions.

When someone reflects back the lack of self-love you feel, reject the idea. Back away from those thoughts and feelings of lack, detach yourself from them, and realign towards enhanced self-love. And ask the chapter’s direct question: what kind of relationship do you have with yourself?

The chapter closes the loop with one more line from C. JoyBell C.:

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” — C. JoyBell C.

If you want the full chapter — its action tips, its notes page, and the other eleven beliefs — you will find it here: Let Go of Limiting Beliefs.

A Small Practice for Receiving

Here is a modest addition I would offer alongside the book. For one week, practise receiving without deflecting. When someone thanks you, let the whole sentence be just “thank you” — no discount attached. When someone offers help, accept one offer you would normally wave away.

This is not a test you can pass or fail. It is evidence collection. Each time you let a small kindness land, you are giving the new belief something the old one cannot argue with: a lived moment where love was offered, and you stayed.

Keep the moments small on purpose. The book is right about increments. A belief built over years does not retire because of one grand gesture. It loosens, a little at a time, every time your actions stop arguing with your worth.

Try This Today

Write down the new belief from this chapter, and read it slowly:

“I love myself regardless of what others think. I love myself to take care of the self. I will schedule me time to reflect my new self-love. I will allow others to love and appreciate me and not deflect it or push it away.”

Then schedule the me-time it promises. Put it on the calendar like any other commitment — because the relationship with yourself is kept the same way every other relationship is kept: with time, attention, and follow-through.

Get the Book

Let Go of Limiting Beliefs explores twelve beliefs — from “I am not good enough” to “My life will not change” — each with reflection, action tips, a new belief to practise, and a Notes & Current Progress page. It is available as an instant-download ebook at its launch price of $3.49 (reg. $6.99):

👉 Get Let Go of Limiting Beliefs on Etsy

And if you are new here, start with my free book, 12 Amazing Life Lessons From Rumi — twelve timeless quotes and the lessons I found inside them, free to download at launchyourgenius.com. 🌿