Cultivate the Habit of Gratitude: Give Thanks Continuously

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Read Emerson’s last clause again, because it is the demanding part: all things have contributed to your advancement, so all things belong in your gratitude. Not only the promotion, the good news and the easy days. All things.

I have written about gratitude and appreciation many times on this blog, because I believe feeling and expressing gratitude is something we still struggle with on a daily basis. Especially when life is not going as planned, and you feel like life has thrown you a curve ball. On those days, gratitude can sound like advice meant for somebody else — somebody whose life is cooperating.

This essay is my answer to that feeling. Gratitude is not a mood you wait for. It is a habit you cultivate.

Why Gratitude, Especially on the Hard Days?

Why do we need to be grateful for the things that are going well in our life — and even, somehow, for what is ahead? The answer I give is simple. Gratitude makes you feel good. It makes you happy in the moment. It makes you joyous and happy now, and not only after achieving success or acquiring more things. It leaves you optimistic and hopeful for the life you have, and it lifts the veil of depression and sadness.

There is a deeper point underneath that list, and it comes from positive psychology research I return to often: we have the idea of happiness backwards. We do not become successful first, get the things, and then become happy. Becoming happy first — living from that point of view — is what matters more for success. Gratitude is one of the most direct ways to practise that reversal. It does not wait for the outcome. It starts with what is already here.

Notice what Emerson is really prescribing. Not a feeling. A habit — something repeated, on ordinary days, until it becomes the way you see. A mood depends on the weather of your life. A habit works in any weather.

Wear Gratitude Like a Cloak

Rumi, whose lessons fill my free book, puts the same idea in a single image:

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” — Rumi

A cloak is not an occasional accessory. You wear it out into the world, in every corner of your life, and — in Rumi’s surprising turn — it feeds you. When you make the simple shift to be happy and grateful for what you have, instead of focusing on lack and limitations, you open the doors of abundance in your life. What you focus on grows. Focus on how everything is falling apart, and everywhere you go, you see problems and lack. Begin to feel gratitude for little things, and a deep sense of joy and fulfilment in the moment begins to permeate the other parts of your life — until gratitude stops being a practice and becomes a lifestyle.

That is Lesson 10 of my free book, 12 Amazing Life Lessons From Rumi — “Living and Practicing Gratitude” — and you can download the whole book here: 12 Amazing Life Lessons From Rumi, free at launchyourgenius.com.

In Real Life: A Thank-You That Changed What Happened Next

Does a spoken thank-you actually change anything outside ourselves? In my essay “The Art and Science of Gratitude,” I wrote about a study by Adam Grant and Francesca Gino, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology under the title “A Little Thanks Goes a Long Way.”

In one part of the study, participants were asked to edit a student’s cover letter. Afterwards, they received either a grateful message back from the student or a neutral one. Then the student asked them to edit another cover letter. The result: there was a 34% increase in participants who agreed to voluntarily help again after receiving the grateful message. The researchers found that the expression of gratitude worked through social worth — people who were thanked felt more needed and valued, and a feeling of belonging and social worth is a basic human motivation.

That is Emerson’s habit with evidence attached. The thank-you you say today does not just describe the past kindly. It changes what people — and life — offer you next.

Going Deeper: The Practices That Keep the Habit Alive

A habit needs handles — small, repeatable practices you can actually do. From the seventeen practices in the original essay, here are the ones readers tell me they return to most:

Keep a gratitude journal. Instead of deflecting happy moments, bring them to the forefront of your life: reflect, and write down what makes you grateful, every day. See how radically you feel better in a few weeks — and log that too. Good feelings build on the ability to recall them quickly and feel them consistently.

Feel it, do not just say it. One reason gratitude “does not work” for people is that it stays a catchphrase. When you say you are grateful, feel it strongly in your being and mean what you say. When what you feel, think and do are in consonance, gratitude works miracles.

Reframe the complaints. Most of us let worry and stress cascade until they become the lens for everything — masking the good that is also happening. If something can be made better, take action and make it better. But reframe the worry itself into gratitude for what is going well.

Just say thank you. When you cannot find the silver lining in a setback, just saying thank you is healing. It brings some much-needed peace to mind and spirit. As Meister Eckhart is quoted in the essay: “If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

Serve, write, and collect. When gratitude will not come, serve others — you will quickly see that everyone carries unique challenges. Write a letter of gratitude to someone you have not thanked in a while. Keep a box or jar of gratitude, filled with daily grateful moments, and read a few when you are feeling your lowest. And be thankful even for the setbacks, reframed as teachers in disguise: in retrospect, you will see how a difficult experience strengthened you to face life.

Try This Today

From Practice 12 of the essay — the gratitude list. It is different from the journal, quicker and easier:

Write down 5 things you are grateful for today — and why. Not five grand things. Five true things: the person, the small mercy, the ordinary good you usually walk past. Beside each one, write the reason it matters. Then, once today, say one of those thank-yous out loud to the person it belongs to — especially someone whose service is easy to overlook.

Do it again tomorrow. That is what “cultivate” means.

Get the Book

12 Amazing Life Lessons From Rumi gathers twelve timeless Rumi quotes, each with the life lesson I found hidden inside it — on gratitude, words, belief, freedom, love, and steering out of the comfort zone to live your masterpiece. It is my gift to readers of this blog, free to download:

👉 Get 12 Amazing Life Lessons From Rumi free

From the archive: this post grows out of my 2016 essay 17 Effective Practices That Increase Joy, Gratitude, and Appreciation.

And when you are ready for more, my books on gratitude, self-esteem, limiting beliefs and creativity are in the Launch Your Genius shop on Etsy — link in the sidebar. 🌿