How To Move Beyond The Spectrum Of Excuses! -

“When life does not go our way or we inadvertently make a mistake, it is so easy to make excuses, place blame on others, or argue that circumstances were against us. But we only progress in life to the extent that we take responsibility for our actions and attitudes, and put forth the initiative necessary to create our own circumstances.”- Stephen Covey

The excuses spectrum is the range of the different stages of excuses that we make to rationalize not moving forward on our goals and dreams.

Excuses are not always black or white and you may experience different degrees of resistance and avoidance based on the circumstance.

It is a good idea to become aware of where your excuses are situated in the excuses spectrum and have some ideas and actionable tips to get beyond that state or stage.

Stage 1: A Flat Out Refusal To Engage And Act

“If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”- Yiddish Proverb

Have you heard the following common words either from your mind or from others?

“I will not because…”

“I cannot imagine that I can do that.”

“What me? I do not think that I can accomplish that.”

“Are you kidding? I am not the right person for that job.”

This is an attitudinal and mindset alignment where you may feel and think that acting on the excuse in not in your best interest.

You stick to your guns and refuse to do anything about it and may be in denial in what the value of moving through and beyond those excuses.

You have a deep belief that you cannot accomplish something because you have convinced yourself over time that it is not for you. You refuse or say no to anything that does not fit your self-concept and make excuses to get out of those tasks.

This is a very limiting way to live if you believe that you can do only a few things and if you live in your “comfort zone.”

When this refusal to consider even the first step and making excuses becomes habitual, you become paralyzed to move forward and refuse to take action.

Example from my experience:

For a long time in the past, I had been wanting to write and put my work out there for everyone to enjoy and hopefully get some benefit from.

But I rationalized away why writing, blogging or putting my experiences or knowledge out there was a bad idea.

I did not even consider the possibilities or how to become a writer because in my mind I did not measure up. In other words, I had unrealistically and excessively high standards that I used to judge myself.

The glimmer of hope for me in this stage was to associate with and read the work of people and my peers who were becoming successful as indie writers. This gave me social proof that it was possible to become successful as a writer.

How to move forward:

1. Become aware of this mental block in your life and how it is keeping you in familiar zones of comfort.

2. Consider the alternatives to black or white thinking.

3. Find evidence of other people just like you who have accomplished what you think is impossible for you.

4. Make possibility thinking regular and habitual.

5. Practice hopeful and optimistic thinking and feeling patterns.

Stage 2: A Stage Of Not Knowing Or Being Uncertain Or Fearful

“We turned into each other’s best excuse for not doing the things we were afraid of.”― Tracy Guzeman, The Gravity of Birds

The uncertainty stage is a significant problem for many and I was stuck in this stage whenever I was not sure how to proceed forward on something.

The chatter associated with this stage:

“I do not have a clue how to do this.”

“I am not sure what resources are available.”

“I do not know who to ask.”

“What if this falls apart?”

“What will happen if I end up worse than before?”

This state is characterized by a state of paralysis because you are not sure of how to move forward.

Even though you are not in denial anymore and are expressing a small desire to move forward, you feel like a victim of too little information and uncertainty.

You begin to believe in your stories that finding information and moving through this will be difficult and impossible for you.

You get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of finding the right information or the steps to move forward and get caught up in needless details.

This is a stage that is characterized by wanting to accomplish something but feeling doubt, fear and experiencing resistance and paralysis to move forward.

Often, the uncertainty is the reason why you may be feeling stuck in this stage. If you get reasonably comfortable with uncertainty, you can make the first step forward.

Example from my experience:

After I was able to move forward from the refusal to engage and act stage, I collided with a whole lot of uncertainty in my journey as a writer and a blogger. I did not know how to set up a blog and what tools to use to begin writing.

I had to deal with my own doubts, perfectionism and fears while navigating this uncertainty and I will admit that I almost quit many times.

It just did not seem worth it to have to take care of all the technical aspects while dealing with the immense task of becoming a better and a more effective writer.

I was fortunate to keep learning and reading blogs that mattered and using those as positive examples to drive my goals forward and keep them sustained. I decided to take very small and simple steps forward and do that regularly.

How to move forward:

1. Script the critical moves by making the steps easily understandable and very clear. Scripting the critical moves is an idea from Dan and Chip Heath’s book, Switch.

2. Take very small steps to move forward.

3. Find things or aspects that make you enthusiastic, happy and upbeat.

4. Ask others how that have accomplished similar things.

5. Connect with a lot of people and see different perspectives on moving forward.

6. Realize that engagement and eagerness work magic on a state of excuses.

7. Allow and become comfortable with the state of uncertainty.

Stage 3: Being Wistful And Pessimistic

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ ll find an excuse.”- Jim Rohn

This state is characterized by thoughts like:

“I really wish that I could.”

“Others can do it but not so for me.”

“It is not going to make any difference.”

The way out of this is the realization that you have trained yourself into a mindset of feeling bad and experiencing sadness and depression.

You can also re-train yourself to see the bright and sunny side of your situation.

Ask non-rhetorical, possibility based, open ended and non-circular questions: Instead of “I wish” ask “why not” and “how can I do this?”

Example from my experience:

This was an extremely difficult period for me. Whenever, I made some advances with blog setup, design and some writing, I would get overcome with pessimistic ideas and feelings such as “who cares” and “perhaps it is not meant to be” and “it would be easier if it was supposed to happen.”

Again, I was very wrong. Interest and passion are great to have but things happen if we resolutely make them happen. If we experience some flow and ease along the way, that is wonderful but the journey itself is not easy and filled with challenges and setbacks.

I was very lucky at this stage to turn my attention from things that were out of my control such as destiny to scoring mini victories and hopeful bright spots in my designing and writing endeavors.

How to move forward:

1. Readjust your beliefs around wistful and pessimistic ideals.

2. Redirect your attention and bolster your beliefs towards the idea that it matters and you may be able to accomplish something.

3. Say frequently to yourself: “Yes, I can. If I practice, focus and engage the problem, it can be overcome.”

4. Go from being wistful to possibility and action mode.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” ― Henry Ford

Stage 4: A Small Sense Of Hope And The Feeling Of The Possibility And Moving Forward

“Once your excuses are gone, you will simply have to settle for being awesome!”― Lorii Myers, No Excuses, The Fit Mind-Fit Body Strategy Book

This stage is characterized by the filtering in of some hope and possibility that things can be accomplished. You may think:

“Wow, this is possible for me.”

“I can see the glimmer of hope!”

“I might be able to pull this off after all!”

This stage is when you are getting a toehold into the slopes of uncertainty and getting beyond excuses and are able to a glimmer of hope, and a ray of sun.

This is a very important stage because it is in this stage that after a small glimmer of hope, you will either push forward or just revert back into excuses.

Guard this stage very carefully and be wary and aware of who you are going to share your progress with. If you do not exercise caution, seemingly innocent well-wishers and detractors will knock your socks off.

How to move forward:

1. Increase things that will support and allow this state to flourish.

2. Enlist the support of mentors, family and friends to move forward.

3. Avoid negative people and naysayers at this stage because they will kill your enthusiasm faster than you can imagine.

4. Find evidence in the past when you were able to accomplish something similar to give you a boost of confidence.

Stage 5: More Definite Sense Of Purpose

“Do it today! It will spare you the effort of finding excuses tomorrow.” ― Steve Maraboli

You are bolstering your beliefs and ideas around a sense of purpose and possibility and have thoughts and ideas such as:

“I believe that I can.”

“This is indeed possible.”

”I am going to go for it.”

“I am willing to be vulnerable.”

In this stage, you have moved past the doubt and uncertainty to the point that you dive into it and express a great willingness to make it happen.

You are willing to engage and make things happen and it is a great place to be in. You may feel excited and energized to take action and move forward.

Example from my experience:

This stage was a game changer for me. Thinking positively and that my goals were possible was only the first step but when I repeated this frequently, I began to believe and feel that writing was indeed possible for me.

I was moving from a rational, motivational and thinking stage into a visceral and feeling stage that was based on experience and inspiration.

This was a beautiful feeling for me because I think I literally changed some of my past beliefs around my limitations on writing and launching my work out there.

I realized that there is nothing more powerful than the discovery of deep emotions and feelings that become the wind beneath the wings of dreams and passions.

Now I was in business! I was experiencing flow and deep intrinsic motivation while expressing my creativity and writing.

How to move forward:

1. Enhance this state and reiterate this state mentally and feel great about your new beliefs.

2. Take small actions to keep up the momentum of a feeling of purpose.

3. Avoid complex plans and big leaps because small and consistent is better than big and overwhelm.

4. Cut down on excess distractions and begin to focus on a few things to develop more momentum.

Stage 6: Merging Into The Absolute Knowing That You Can Go Through Your Excuses

“No more excuses or procrastination! Stop allowing your days to be stolen by busy nothingness and take calculated steps towards your goals.”― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

This is a very powerful stage and you have insights such as the following:

“I will overcome.”

“I am sure that I can pull it off!”

“I am that…”

“I do and I got done.”

“I did that.”

This is the final stage of busting open the excuses and feeling of helplessness and into a field of absolute knowing that you will attempt, engage and come away learning more and establishing new habitual patterns to replace the old ones.

This stage also makes peace with imperfection and failure and you act in spite of limitations.

This is the stage that action is inevitable and you do not feel limited by failure or the opinions of others. You still experience setbacks and failure but you choose to look at the bright side of it and allow meaningful feedback to recalibrate your direction.

You feel great and you are absolutely certain that you will not give up or give in or make excuses because you have reached the stage that it does not matter what happens.

What matters now is that you have to make new discoveries.

Example from my experience:

I thought that I had gone through all the stages when I discovered that I had new journeys and sights yet to be discovered. This stage was characterized by a knowing that this work that I was doing was relevant and important.

Previously, I worried about “likes” and the numbers and the analytics. Now, my mindset transformed into the idea that if I brought great value to just one person, my mission was complete.

Sure, analytics and numbers and confirmation are important but they are not my major focus anymore. Do I still experience fear, uncertainty and excuses. Of course. Will I allow them to dictate what I should do and stop? Absolutely not!

I literally transformed from a outcome based thinking to enjoying myself and embracing the joy and happiness of writing in this moment.

When I became less concerned about what others thought of me and how stress was all around and deadlines were looming and such and became focused on having a great time, my life and my attitude towards excuses changed.

How to move forward:

1. This is the stage when you take quick and prompt action on all your goals and dreams.

2. When your mind makes excuses, you have a definite and purposeful feeling of being able to bust through them.

3. This is the stage that you want to practice to maximize your time in and act from this stage of personal power and determination.

4. You allow imperfection, vulnerabilities, setbacks and uncertainty to be your teachers and move forward despite all odds.

5. You make engagement and enthusiasm and perseverance your secret tools of success and refuse to take “no” for an answer.

Now over to you! Please let me know in the comments below if this post resonated with you. How do you get beyond your excuses? Do you have any tips to share?

This is a preliminary excerpt from my upcoming book on excuses: Excuse your Excuses: 7 steps to get beyond excuses. The book will journey into the art and science of making excuses and breaking them on a deep psychological level.

Here is how the cover design looks so far but this is subject to change.